Overcoming the All or Nothing Mindset: Breaking Free

Episode - The all or nothing Mindset

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Agent Grace podcast. I'm Andrew Blakey, your host. This is a podcast where we empower busy moms and dads to conquer their health and fitness goals while slaying the chaos of life. So get ready to unleash your inner powerhouse because we're here to break through the noise and redefine what living means.

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Andrew: Hi there, my name is Andrew Blakey, and I'm the host of the Aging Grace podcast, where today we're going to be talking about the all or nothing mindset. So I'm going to ask you three questions, and if you answer yes to two or more of them, there's a chance you might be going through the all or nothing mindset.

Have you ever delayed starting a fitness or nutrition program, because right now your life is just too busy? Have you ever said that, okay, you know what, I'm going to, today's a write off, I'm going to start off again tomorrow, because I made a bad decision or gave into a craving today? Or have you ever told yourself that you were going to start a fitness or, or [00:01:00] new program for a new year's resolution or for a start date that's way down the road?

And if you've done some of these or if you've done all of these, then you might be experiencing the all or nothing mindset, which is what we're going to touch on today, where we're going to be breaking down three different types of people. and how they experience the all or nothing mindset slightly different.

And we're also going to talk about how you can implement different strategies in your life to overcome the all or nothing mindset. The all or nothing mindset can really get in the way of you progressing and becoming a better and healthier version of yourself. So we're going to be talking about how you can navigate those challenges based on the type of thinker and the type of person that you are dealing with these.

But before we get into those three different types of people, let's talk about what the all or nothing mindset is. And the all or nothing mindset is essentially, a this or that way of thinking. It's a dichotomous way of thinking that is basically a, I'm either doing it right, or I'm doing it wrong.

There's no in between. It's either you're perfect [00:02:00] or you're a failure. And the mindset results in thoughts that represent that you're either winning or you're losing. And if you're not doing everything absolutely perfectly, then it's, it's a failure and you've lost. At least that's the way that somebody who experiences the all or nothing mindset thinks of it.

 Examples of the all or nothing mindset in a practical everyday situation include thoughts such as, you know, I had pizza for lunch, so my diet is ruined, or work is crazy busy today, so I'm going to start working out when things slow down, or I'm a terrible employee because I made a mistake in that presentation.

I'm the worst. I'm a failure.

And it's important to remember that while some people may have more of a tendency to think this way, it is a temporary way of thinking, and it doesn't define you. And there's likely some areas of your life where this, this mindset affects or, or applies to you a little bit more than others. It might include places such as your fitness routine, your nutrition routine, how you are as a partner, [00:03:00] your, your job, or maybe even in your studies.

And it can apply to any area of your life, but usually for someone with the all or nothing mindset, it applies to only one or two of those different areas. It generally doesn't apply to everywhere in your life. And the problem with this way of thinking is that it can set unrealistic expectations and perfectionism and it increases the stress associated with that particular area of your life that this mindset is, is kind of seeping into, right?

It can lead to anxiety. Disappointment and a lack of motivation towards your goal. And it can even cause some people to, to quit completely, which is the absolute last thing you want to do when you're, when you're working towards something that's important to you and it's important to you because you have set that goal, right?

And this mindset of the all or nothing can make it much harder for you to reach that goal. And that being said, there are these, these certain types of thinkers and people within the population [00:04:00] that might be more likely to exhibit this way of thinking, and we're going to break down the three most common types of people to, to, to have this all or nothing mindset, and we're going to give you some of these strategies to help you deal with this way of thinking, and, and we want to, to give you the tools that are going to be beneficial to you and positive towards helping you stick , with that goal.

And the first type of a person who tends to exhibit the all or nothing mindset are people who self identify as perfectionists. I know for a fact that this category is something that I myself have fallen into in the past and something that I still struggle with some days. And when I start a, a project or new endeavor, I typically, at least I used to, I did an extremely incredible amount of research and planning and I wanted the project to be absolutely perfect before I started it previously before I, you know, began working on myself via meditation therapy and, [00:05:00] and different self improvement methods,, I would obsess with the project or 

of myself of, of trying to be absolutely perfect and obtaining the perfect results , from the project or from myself and, and I focused too much on the results and the level of success of the project or I reached , and, and it caused me to link my own self worth to whether something succeeded or failed based on my own unrealistic.

Expectations, and I can name countless other areas in my own life where I expected something or someone to be perfect, and if it wasn't, then I needed to change it, or it felt like a failure, or that it was no use, and perfection isn't attainable, and people who exhibit These tendencies need to make a shift from perfection to progress.

Small wins add up, and by focusing on moving forward a little bit each day, you can reach further, you can reach higher, and you can implement a plan for your health [00:06:00] that, that moves you slowly over time, which is oftentimes more sustainable and more realistic to stick to compared to, do all of it all at once and, and have the perfect plan and, And be sticking completely to that plan at all times, um, which, which is going to eventually lead to either burnout or, falling off the wagon and, and just quitting, right?

Like we talked about earlier. Now, in an article by Psychology Today, it talks about the all or nothing mindset. And they recommend that one of the best things someone can do to combat this way of thinking is to begin by noticing it. Notice when you're in a spot where you're beating yourself up and about to make a mistake or perceived failure and truly acknowledge that and understand when you are experiencing that train of thought.

The second type of person that exhibits the all or nothing mindset are the high achievers of the world or the people that label themselves as the higher achievers now the way that high [00:07:00] achievers and perfectionists experience the all or nothing mindset is slightly different.

They're very similar, but there's a very important key difference. And while perfectionists... It's deal with the all or nothing mindset with a thought pattern of I want everything to be perfect or it's considered a failure. Those with high achieving traits or that consider themselves high achievers look at the all or nothing mindset through a slightly different lens.

There's someone who is likely achieved a high degree of success in their life in multiple areas and it's because of this history of success that causes them to look at a small setback instead. As a failure because of their track record of success to reiterate, perfectionists want everything to be perfect, or it's a failure. High achievers. experience a setback and consider it a failure because of their track record of success. And for somebody who's a high achiever and experiencing the all or nothing [00:08:00] mindset, it's a slightly different approach and strategy for navigating this mindset.

For someone who's in this category, it's important to both acknowledge the thought and reframe it into something along the idea of, of a setback doesn't mean it's a failure, it's just a setback. We all experience setbacks in life and life is always throwing us curveballs. So you can reframe your thinking once you've acknowledged that you're in that moment, thinking your old way of thinking, you can better overcome that setback and continue on your day, making better choices or following your plan as intended.

The last type of person we're going to cover today is the person who considers themselves as an extremely emotional person. And this last type experiences the all or nothing mindset again in a different way. In my experience, being someone who experiences more emotion can contribute... to a more dichotomous way of thinking, right?

But that doesn't mean being [00:09:00] emotional is a bad thing. Being in tune with your emotions and, and being an emotional person is a gift. It's, it's a very amazing thing and it's just a part of being human. There's nothing wrong with being an emotional person when you have the strategies to cope and deal with them in a productive way.

And when it comes to the all or nothing mindset, an emotional person sees setbacks in more extreme ways than, than the other two people that we talked about, right? A small setback to their diet or their plan for their health may seem disastrous for somebody in this category, right?

And for this person, one of the strategies they can use to realize And understand that a small setback isn't at the end of the world is this person could, could benefit from exhibiting more patience and kindness to themselves and by remembering that they're trying their best and some days will be better than others, 

it's very important for the emotional person to understand that they will make mistakes, ? And be kind through that, ? Don't, don't be so hard, ? When [00:10:00] we start to beat ourselves up over our mistakes. It can cause all sorts of different mental stress and anxiety, which is going to make Making those good decisions even harder to make, 

 All three types of people we've mentioned today exhibit the all or nothing mindset in a slightly different way

there's, The one thing I would like to touch on, which many of the articles that you can read online, uh, have in common, is that instead of looking at the all or nothing mindset, or, or looking at your life as right or wrong, success and failure, begin to look at your life as As more of a gray lens, ?

It's not this or that. It's about making small progress and moving forward ? If you mess up, reset, reset in the moment and continue on your plan throughout the day. Of making, of making good choices, ? It, this, this entire approach requires patience, kindness, and a, a certain level of tenacity, to be [00:11:00] honest.

But... The thing that I want to say to you is that you can get over the all or nothing mindset, ? But it involves being present, it involves acknowledging, and it involves being open to a new way of thinking. So I hope today's podcast is going to help you navigate the all or nothing mindset going forward.

And if you're somebody who has had an injury in the past, maybe a sprained ankle, dislocated shoulder, a hurt back, whatever it is, you're going to make sure that you will subscribe to this show because we are having a certain sports medicine doctor on the show who's going to be sharing with us a plethora of his knowledge.

He has worked with teams such as the Toronto Raptors, the Buffalo Bills, World Juniors Hockey. He is going to be extremely insightful about how those old injuries are going to affect you as you go through the aging process. So make sure you subscribe so you can get notified when we post that episode.

 Have a great day.

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